How Do You Feel for Real? Navigating Mental Health During the Holiday Season
- 4 days ago
- 9 min read
Updated: 3 days ago
By Nydria L. Williams, The ReHope Coach
Founder of Revitalized Hope & Healing | Visionary of the She Deserves More™ Movement
How Do You Feel for Real? Navigating Mental Health During the Holiday Season is not just a title. It is a question many people avoid when the holidays arrive. This season can intensify anxiety, grief, loneliness, depression, and unresolved trauma. The lights may be bright, but for many, the emotional weight is heavier.
In a recent video, ReHope Coach addressed the reality many women and families experience between November and March. She spoke about how the holiday season can trigger deeper emotional struggles, especially for those carrying grief, childhood wounds, rejection, or the pressure to look “fine” for everyone else. Her message was clear. We cannot keep calling this “the most wonderful time of the year” while ignoring how many people are quietly unraveling.
This blog expands that message. It offers a grounded look at mental health during the holiday season, why family dynamics can feel triggering, and how to create safer spaces for honest conversations. It also reflects the heart of the How Do You Feel for Real? movement. People deserve more than surface-level check-ins. They deserve real care, real listening, and real space to tell the truth.
The holiday season is not emotionally neutral
The holiday season is emotional even for people who love it. The schedule changes. The spending rises. The body gets tired. The expectations get louder.
For people with unresolved pain, this season can feel like walking into a memory. A smell, a song, a tradition, or a family photo can bring the past back without warning.
This is why mental health during the holidays deserves to be talked about as a real public issue, not a private weakness. The feelings that surface are not random. They are connected to history.
If you have ever felt your chest tighten in a store aisle.If you have ever cried after a family dinner.If you have ever smiled through a party and crashed emotionally later.
You are not alone.
The “We Do Not Care Club” is funny until it becomes a culture
Many women have laughed at the “We Do Not Care Club.” It is a playful nod to the freedom that can come with midlife. Especially during perimenopause and menopause. The idea can feel like a release.
No more performing. No more shrinking. No more pretending.
There is a healthy version of that.
But ReHope Coach named a deeper concern in her video. A cultural version of not caring.
A version that looks like:
ignoring emotional cues
dismissing mental health conversations
treating pain like an inconvenience
replacing support with quick advice
It is easy to say “mental health matters.”
It is harder to show up when someone is hurting in real time.
That gap becomes more dangerous during the holidays.
Why November through March can feel heavier
There are seasons that naturally stress the nervous system. Late fall through early spring is one of them for many people.
Several factors overlap:
shorter daylight hours
colder weather
increased isolation
financial strain
end-of-year pressure
grief anniversaries
family expectations
Even women who are high-functioning and ambitious can feel this pressure build quietly. The body remembers. The heart keeps score. The mind tries to stay productive anyway. This is often when people say, “I do not know what is wrong with me.”
The truth is, something is not wrong with you. You are responding to an emotionally loaded season.
The silent pressure to be okay
Many people are not just struggling during the holidays. They are struggling in silence.
Why? Because the season comes with a script. Be grateful. Be joyful. Be present. Be festive. Be okay. So women learn to mask.
They become experts at:
professional smiling
spiritual language without emotional honesty
showing up while emotionally numb
helping everyone else while ignoring their own needs
This is especially common in high-achieving women.
They can lead a team. Run a household. Serve in church. Host the event.
And still feel hollow inside. The cost of that performance is not small. It often shows up as exhaustion, anxiety, and emotional shutdown.
Family gatherings can trigger past trauma
Family can be beautiful. Family can also be complicated.For some, the holidays are a reunion. For others, they are a return to an old emotional battlefield.
You might be walking into a house where you were:
criticized
compared
ignored
shamed
punished for having emotions
pressured to stay silent
Even if the abuse was not physical, the emotional impact can be intense.
This is why your body may react before your mind does.
You can feel anxious days before an event. You can dread a conversation that has not happened yet. You can feel drained after one hour.
Your nervous system is not “doing too much.” It is trying to protect you.
The truth about support
In the video, ReHope Coach highlighted a reality many people share. When someone finally asks for help, the response is often shallow.
You have heard these phrases:
“I’m praying for you.”
“You’ll be fine.”
“You’re strong.”
“Just let it go.”
“At least you have…”
Some people mean well. But timing matters. Presence matters.
When someone is collapsing emotionally, quick positivity can feel like rejection.
Sometimes the most healing response is simple.
“I hear you.”
“That sounds heavy.”
“I’m here.”
“You do not have to carry that alone.”
That kind of response creates safety.
Safety is where healing begins.
Why “I’m fine” is not a harmless answer
“I’m fine” is a social habit. It is also a survival strategy.
People use it to avoid:
judgment
awkwardness
long explanations
emotional vulnerability
being treated like a burden
But over time, it becomes a pattern that disconnects you from yourself. You cannot heal what you keep hiding. You cannot receive care you do not allow yourself to name.
This is one reason the How Do You Feel for Real? movement matters.
It gives people permission to pause and answer honestly.
What the How Do You Feel for Real? movement stands for
The movement is built on one clear belief.
We cannot claim to love people while refusing to care about their emotional reality.
It calls for:
honest conversation
safer community spaces
better listening
a real culture of care
This is not just personal. It is leadership. It is community health. It is public wellness.
When women feel emotionally safe, they do not just survive. They show up with clarity and strength.
The high-achieving woman and hidden pain
Many women who struggle most during the holidays are the ones people expect to be fine. They are the strong ones. The capable ones. The reliable ones.
They are often leaders at work and leaders at home.
But high achievement does not erase trauma. It does not cancel grief. It does not heal rejection. Your degree cannot parent your inner child. Your promotion cannot soothe old abandonment. Your gifts do not protect you from emotional exhaustion.
If you are successful and still hurting, that does not mean you failed.
It means you are human.
Practical ways to protect your mental health during the holidays
You do not need a perfect plan. You need a realistic one.
1. Decide what you will not tolerate
Your peace is not a luxury. It is a necessity.
Ask yourself:
What conversations always drain me?
What dynamics feel unsafe?
What topics pull me into old pain?
Prepare short responses.
“I’m not discussing that today.”
“I’m here to enjoy the day, not debate my life.”
“That topic is off the table for me.”
Short sentences reduce emotional escalation.
2. Reduce the number of high-pressure events
You do not have to attend everything.
One safe gathering can be better than five chaotic ones.
Choose what supports your well-being.
3. Plan a clear exit strategy
If you know a gathering may be triggering, plan your exit in advance.
drive your own car
set a time limit
create a code word with a friend or partner
excuse yourself without explaining everything
You are allowed to leave a room that harms your mental health.
4. Build recovery time into your schedule
Emotional exposure requires recovery.
After intense events, plan:
a quiet evening
a walk
a warm shower
early sleep
no extra obligations
This is not being dramatic. This is smart self-care.
5. Name your grief early
If the season reminds you of a loss, say it.
You can say:
“This is a hard season for me.”
“I miss them more during the holidays.”
“I’m grateful, but I’m still grieving.”
Grief does not disappear because you are spiritual. It does not vanish because you are strong.
6. Ground your body
Mental health lives in the body too.
Try simple grounding:
slow breathing for one full minute
feet flat on the floor
a short walk outside
a warm drink held in both hands
music that calms your nervous system
Small actions can reduce emotional overload.
7. Reach out before you shut down
Isolation increases emotional risk.
Choose one safe person and say:
“I’m not okay today.”
“This season is heavy for me.”
“Can you check in with me later?”
You do not need a crowd. You need one safe connection.
How to support someone well this season
If you want to show up for others, keep it simple.
Listen without rushing
Do not try to fix the moment. Stay present.
Ask what they need
Try:
“Do you want advice or space?”
“What would feel supportive today?”
Make care practical
Support can look like:
dropping off food
offering childcare for an hour
helping with errands
checking in consistently
Avoid minimizing language
Avoid:
“It could be worse.”
“At least you have…”
“Just be grateful.”
You can honor gratitude without silencing pain.
Faith and emotional truth can live together
Many women in this community are people of faith.
That matters.
Faith can be a strong anchor. But faith should not be used to silence emotions.
You can pray and still need support. You can believe deeply and still feel overwhelmed. You can love God and still feel exhausted, angry, or sad.
Honest emotion is not disobedience. It is reality.
If your faith space is healthy, it will make room for prayer and process.
What to do if your family does not get it
Some of you will not receive the support you deserve from family.
That is painful. It is also real.
So here is a plan that does not depend on others changing.
Keep your boundaries clear.
Limit emotional exposure.
Choose who gets access to your story.
Create your own peace rituals.
Stay connected to one safe person outside the family system.
You are not required to sacrifice your mental health to keep a tradition alive.
Redefining what a healthy holiday looks like
A healthy holiday is not a perfect holiday.
A healthy holiday can mean:
smaller gatherings
new traditions
quiet mornings
less spending
stronger boundaries
honest conversations
choosing safety over appearances
You get to create a version of this season that supports your healing.
You are allowed to protect your peace. You are allowed to say no. You are allowed to rest.
Final reflection
The holidays reveal what we often avoid the rest of the year.
Grief. Loneliness. Family wounds. Unspoken needs. Hidden depression. Quiet rage. Old rejection. So the question matters.
How do you feel for real?
Not for performance. Not for appearances. For healing.
When we speak the truth in safe spaces, the weight gets lighter. When we choose genuine care over surface-level connection, people feel seen. When we stop forcing “I’m fine,” we create room for real restoration.
This season can still hold joy. But let it be honest joy. Not borrowed happiness. Not pressured smiles.
The truth is where peace begins.
Key takeaways
Mental health during the holiday season deserves real attention. This is a high-trigger time for many people.
Family gatherings can reopen childhood wounds and unresolved trauma.
“I’m fine” can be a protective habit that delays healing.
Real support starts with presence, not quick fixes.
Boundaries, reduced obligations, and recovery time protect your nervous system.
The How Do You Feel for Real? movement exists to normalize honest emotional conversation and real community care.
About the Author
Nydria L. Williams, known as ReHope Coach, is the founder and CEO of Revitalized Hope and Healing, a faith-based coaching platform that helps high-achieving Christian women heal from trauma, confront rejection, and step into lives of clarity, alignment, and purpose. As a minister, speaker, and coach, she guides women who look strong on the outside but feel disconnected on the inside. Her work helps them break the cycle of overachievement, silence, and emotional strain so they can live the abundant life God intended.
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